Terror… will it ever end???(13/07/11)

Åfter what happened  yesterday in Mumbai,i wonder whether life is really a joke for some people!!I wonder how someone can destroy lives in this way.That too innocent people who may be the sole supporters of their families.People who just want to live their own lives without causing harm to anyone.Life for them is a daily struggle.Now some of them may have left this world leaving behind their wives,children,parents and so many unfulfilled wishes.

The people who cause this terror may feel triumphant.But can they sleep in peace?Dont they have a conscience which will keep reminding them that what they did was wrong.What would they gain from all this?What are they trying to achieve?No one is safe anymore.

I pray for all families who lost their loved ones,all those who were injured,all those who witnessed this at close quarters and all those who survived.I want to see the old Mumbai back on its feet where we could walk through the streets without fear of being a victim of such violent attacks.

Our bodies may not survive but our spirits will remain strong.I am proud to be a Mumbaikar!!!

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I am tired of depending on someone for my Happiness.I try hard not to do so but i still continue being dependant. When i actually start believing that perhaps i have now succeeded,something happens and i realise things havent changed.I like making people happy,sharing their thoughts but i guess i do this more for myself than for anyone else. Perhaps i fear being Lonely,i fear being depressed,i fear waking up to an empty bed,i fear being Cast Away,i fear being regarded as a Stranger amongst those who i wish would accept me.This Fear seeps in all of a sudden and then i just dont know whom to turn to.

At such times i feel so Helpless though i know i am just hurting myself unnecessarily. It doesnt last long but i spend Miserable Moments either crying or blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the Past but for which no one is to blame.I hate myself then and at times wish i wasnt Born at all.

This foolish thinking is all in vain and dwelling in the Past will lead me Nowhere and i know that too well. Unfortunately  i refuse to reason with myself and let the past haunt me.What is it that is wrong with me??I may not be a perfect daughter or a perfect wife but as far as i know i have tried my best to never hurt either my parents or my Husband.But i wonder why i am still Lonely.I wonder why i still feel Incomplete.There is a vacuum and as days go by the feeling is stronger…….

Lost…..Past!!Present!!Future!!!

As the name suggests its got everything in it.Flashback,the present scenario and yes what happens later.I am referring to “Lost” one of the most happening TV programmes i have come across excluding X Files ofcourse.I have got hooked on to it and its not easy to stop once you start watching.It makes one realise that some things or rather most of the things happen for a reason.People you meet,see or brush against may actually have a significant role to play in your life someday.It all depends on how you take it,your perspective.But for me it is a learning experience and not just another serial…………..But one must have an open mind to grasp what the creator is trying to express.

Its sometimes a confusion,sometimes a misinterpretation,sometimes you tend to hate the character but its all about Existence.Its all about Survival ,about Self Realisation,Hope,Mystery,Fear,Leadership and so much more…………….

Why??????

I wonder why i find it so difficult at times to talk to people who actually care about me.I dread certain questions and certain advice which perhaps is for my own good!!I just dont feel like listening or pondering over what they have to say….

Due to this i have realised now, i have lost many friends and relatives.Its all because of this uncomfortable feeling or rather fear that they may ask me something i have no answer to…..Just hope i can find a way to handle this better soon before its too late 😦