More than a month i spent with family and friends.Yet i feel i hardly was with them!!Time slips away so fast especially when you want it to slow down,to maybe stop and take a break.I have fond memories of this trip.Somehow it felt different from the earlier one.It could be because i have atlast grown up…

Being an only child has its disadvantages.You dont have someone to fight with,be jealous about,compete with,share some dark secrets so on and so forth.At these times when i am so far away from my parents i do wish i had a sibling. Perhaps he/she would be closer to my parents then.Wishful thinking i know.

Anyways i had a wonderful time and loved being pampered for a change.Eating my favourite foodstuff literally stuffing myself actually,shopping,sleeping and yes drinking in the sun.Yes sunshine is what i really miss.When you open your eyes in the morning after a nice night sleep all you need is the sun rays seeping in through the window and welcoming you into a new day.It gives you a feeling of wanting to dance,to smile,to hope for better things.A cloudy sky can be a real dampner.

All in all i just lived my life to the maximum when i was there….Now waiting for my next trip ūüėČ

Its funny how i cling to someone for my happiness.He may not even be aware of how i feel but i guess its best he doesnt realise it. Its a relief speaking to him,as though he is all i have in this Mad Mad World. Its just that unknowingly i have started depending on him for my joys,my pleasure,my smile,my laughter.

Wierd is how i call myself.Queer perhaps not in the sexual sense but otherwise. I always thought of myself as a loner,someone who doesnt fit in any group,who doesnt follow the rules,who prefers following her mind than others(Society) thoughts. But at the same time i have always yearned for love,attention,care,appreciation and at times a little pampering ;).. Is that wrong??Am i not entitled to my share of emotions,feelings??I am for sure and that is precisely why i am dependant.I know its not right and it causes more pain than needed but at the same time i have my moments of pleasure,solace.

Its like drifting away along with the wind,no sense of direction,no fear,no time limit just free floating. Haha,no drugs are required for this,all you need is a stress free mind,a complete understanding of oneself and the will to take a chance. Simple isnt it??Yes,it is and once you have all this in place all you have to do is flow…………………….

Chance and Choice

 

We all have a chance,
A chance to live,
We all have a life,
Full of dreams…

The day we are born,
We have a choice,
To survive or die….

As kids we play,
We tease,we stray,
As teenagers we lie,
We fake and try.

As we grow older,
We again have a choice,
A choice to smile,
To risk and fly high.
 
The choice may be wrong,
The moment may be gone,
But we still have a chance,
To look back or move on.

Looking back we mourn,
Moving on we hope,
Hope for better days,
Hopes keep us Alive…………..

I am tired of depending on someone for my Happiness.I try hard not to do so but i still continue being dependant. When i actually start believing that perhaps i have now succeeded,something happens and i realise things havent changed.I like making people happy,sharing their thoughts but i guess i do this more for myself than for anyone else. Perhaps i fear being Lonely,i fear being depressed,i fear waking up to an empty bed,i fear being Cast Away,i fear being regarded as a Stranger amongst those who i wish would accept me.This Fear seeps in all of a sudden and then i just dont know whom to turn to.

At such times i feel so Helpless though i know i am just hurting myself unnecessarily. It doesnt last long but i spend Miserable Moments either crying or blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the Past but for which no one is to blame.I hate myself then and at times wish i wasnt Born at all.

This foolish thinking is all in vain and dwelling in the Past will lead me Nowhere and i know that too well. Unfortunately ¬†i refuse to reason with myself and let the past haunt me.What is it that is wrong with me??I may not be a perfect daughter or a perfect wife but as far as i know i have tried my best to never hurt either my parents or my Husband.But i wonder why i am still Lonely.I wonder why i still feel Incomplete.There is a vacuum and as days go by the feeling is stronger…….

Feelings,emotions…..

A small brain,a big.small body but a multitude of emotions that is within.It is not easy to control our emotions and many a times we find ourselves in an embarassing situation thanks to our outburst without a warning whatsoever. Then there are moments when we donot think before we speak and just end up blabbering whatever comes to mind. It may lead to serious misunderstandings unless the person who is the victim is someone who knows us well enough to understand that we didnot mean what we said.Not always may we be so lucky isnt it??Many a relationships have broken thanks to our unintentional utterances.

I myself have been in this situation numerous times and i regret having said what i did then.I have apologised in case i did realise then itself that what i said was wrong.But not always has this been possible and by the time i came to my senses,it was too late to make amends ūüė¶ . Still regret having done what i did then but learnt a lesson and i try hard not to repeat that again.

Certain emotions especially negative ones like anger,envy,greed,jealousy have a tendency to erupt easily.The best way to control such emotions wold be to first start knowing yourself.Self Analysis is very important and you will come to know what actually trigers these negative thoughts.Once you relaise this,it would not be that difficult to calm oneself or tone down.We always wait for someone to understand us,but we ourselves fail to understand oneself!!! It is a fact because sometimes you realise what you are only when someone actually tells you.The best way to know oneself is to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself.Ask yourself or rather the mirror what you are.

I am no expert but i am speaking from personal experience.After crying,fuming,fretting,getting angry without actually having any valid reason,i realised(a little late) how foolish i have been.But i am glad i atleast realised this now. “Better Late Than Never”………

According to me some Positive Emotions Would Be:

  1. Joy Best when Shared…it doubles
  2. HappinessTo be felt always…..
  3. ExcitementBe it a small thing,it doesnot matter because for you it might be the most important thing in your Life
  4. PrideNot false pride but pride which is basically felt for your loved ones when they achieve something.
  5. LoveCan also be a feeling but it is one of the most powerful ones.It makes you see everything in a new light.It maybe your parents,siblings,friends,spouse,animals,lover….

Men!!

Something about them makes us want to Be With Them and at the same time Keep As Far Away From Them As Possible.Strange but most women would agree with me in this regard.having studied in a co-ed school i have come across all kinds of men(then boys).Till they attain Adolescence,they are comfortable speaking to girls.But then things begin to change.It maybe because they start looking at girls in a different manner or perhaps its their hormones going Haywire!!!Well,whatever it is it does tend to make them quite uncomfortable and yes not to forget their voice buds undergoing a change which leads to a croaking sound whenever they try to speak(its funny for us but not for the..poor thing).

Then comes the stage when all they want is to have a girl to show off..And mind you it has to be some chic and not some homely simple girl(sister or motherly is what i mean).There is always a competition as to who will get the best or rather the hotttest chic!!!

Then comes the stage when they have to start earning and settle down.Have a family – wife,kids and a packahe deal which includes in laws,cousins,friends and God knows how many people……..This is when a man starts getting restless,when he starts actually thinking what he has done and what he deserves.If he looks in the right direction,then life goes on,if not ……………God save him!!!!

Men want their wives/life partner to be understanding,compromising,adjusting,persevearant.At the push of a button she must satisfy his every need,it doesnot matter if she actually isnt upto it or unwilling.She maybe a working woman,a mother but she should also be a good Housekeeper,available at his beck and call.No matter what she does or how good she is at her work,she is always at fault.And ofcourse the numerous jokes at her cost(you get it on the net always – most are aimed at women esp. wives). It is sad and i can feel it because i am a woman…

Men have so much of Ego that they just cannot think ok women as equals.There is always a clash and that leads to arguments and misunderstandings.But there are men who donot belong to this category. Men who respect women,appreciate them,regard them as equals and treat them well. Though the percentage may not be that high,they do exist and i must say i am lucky in this regard :). Life becomes so much easier when two people living under the same roof are able to see eye for eye.After all we all are Humans and we need to remember that.Life is all about Living In Harmony and Co-existing inspite of all our Differences

¬†Men you need to Remember…If not for women you wouldnt be in this world.So learn to appreciate them and accept the fact that they too are equally capable of doing activities which you claim is not a Woman’s Job!!!

Happy

Am happy to be¬†alive,to see so many new places,to meet people from different cultures,to smile and be smiled upon by strangers.Earlier it used to feel wierd,smiling at someone you dont know and perhaps will never know.But now it comes naturally.Infact it feels so good,it gives me a feeling of being wanted,a sense of belonging,acceptance.It feels like being welcomed in someone else’s life and for me that’s a great thing.It gives me sheer pleasure just being acknowledged.All of us need that assurance in some way.We all need to feel wanted,desired,accepted not by Society but by individuals.

¬†Just remembered a saying we had learnt as kids.Then, it was just another thought but now it seems so true….

Laugh and the World Laughs with You,Cry and You Cry Alone“!!!