This disturbed Mind

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Sitting in this empty house,
The sound of the fan is welcome,
Staring into the distance I cry out,
Tears well up and I let them flow.

A positive mind and a smile I carry,
Hiding the pain and sorrow within,
How long can I hide my emotions,
My heart wants to explode and shout.

All will be well I say to myself,
Fooling my own mind is hard,
My conscience laughs at my pretence,
My thoughts try to create a distraction.

Try as I might to let go of negativity,
My feelings refuse to comply this time,
My body senses this conflict inside,
A tiredness creeps in out of nowhere.

A family, a house, I have it all,
Yet I feel a missing link now and then,
That tiny bit of dissatisfaction is lingering,
I crave for a change and a surprise.

Sitting alone in complete abandonment,
I just cannot shake this unhappiness,
Someone shake me up and bring me back,
I am sinking into a deep abyss…


My first grey hair…

Image Courtesy :×4264729/single_strand_of_gray_hair


Happened to look in the mirror today,
wish i hadn’t but can’t change that,
saw something shining on my head,
my first grey hair was smiling at me.

I separated it from other strands,
hoping perhaps my eyes have gone bad,
there it was clearly not an illusion,
nothing could deny this was reality.

Does it mean i am getting old faster,
or is it that i am counting days perhaps,
one hair can cause such gory thoughts,
one hair that ruled over my head today.

I prayed it would fall off like the other strands,
i wanted to pull it out and gloat over my win,
then a thought struck in this mean head of mine,
there are others where i came from it said.

Maybe i could hide it beneath my still black hair,
perhaps i could dye it and feel good for some time,
better i just leave it and let it fight for space,
black is still a majority and i felt relieved a bit.

Does the hair colour or lack of hair determine youth,
is that an important deterrent in making you look young,
for some time i did believe that was the case,
for awhile i did weep over my one little grey hair.

Hours after pondering on this new unpleasant realisation,
it was high time i came to a meaningful conclusion,
gray or black or no hair i don’t care any longer,
i shall age gracefully and with pride i said to myself.


The ache when missing a loved one,
the hurt when someone leaves for good,
the feeling of being left alone for a moment,
the feel of losing what means so much.

The fear of a fall when you cannot get up,
the emotion felt when nothing seems right,
the tears that flow without a provocation,
something missing but you don’t know what.

It never seems to go away though u try,
days on end pass without any relief at all,
a gloom settles and has no plans to leave,
it becomes a constant companion without invitation.

Sudden as it came it has gone away,
taking with it tears and unhappiness,
in its  place remain cheer and positive spirit,
i bid farewell to the pain i felt within…

Just me…

It is a challenge writing something which is original and at the same time an interesting read.I have always tried to do so and hopefully with the help of all those who make an effort in reading my blog,i will continue to do so.This time instead of a poem or pictures i would like to tell you something more about myself.How does that sound??Boring?? I hope not…

As i have mentioned earlier i am an only child so i have had no one to learn from or imitate.Life has had its ups and downs just like everyone else.There have been moments when i have felt so frustrated and low that it makes me wish i was dead.But those are just thoughts which maybe due to hormones or just my mind being irrational.Most of the time i thank God that i am alive and kicking still.

In school i was an above average student but quite shy and dreaded the very thought of going on stage to perform or participate in any competitions.Now when i look back i feel i should have made an effort to fight that and perhaps i would be different.But the past is buried and it isn’t coming back.I admire all those youngsters who stand up with a smile and confidence even if they are scared within.Hats off to all  you boys and girls you make me jealous.

College again was uneventful with many of my classmates being there and hence i didn’t have to make much efforts to befriend people.We were mostly an all girls gang bunking lectures not always but whenever we felt like,sitting in campus commenting on all those who passed by,celebrating those special days like Rose Day,Traditional Day etc with enthusiasm.Those days were good and i miss my group.

After graduation i took up a job which wasn’t exactly what i would have settled for if i had known what was in store.My superior was a woman and even now when i think of her it makes me feel unpleasant.I was a fresher and everything was new to me.She always was on warpath yelling,demanding, expecting me to sit till late though i stayed quite far away.It is a wonder how i could manage to work for 11 months before i just had enough.I must say women though make good bosses in terms of efficiency,hard work completely lack emotions when they reach a higher position.I can never forget those days when i used to dread going to work.I just hope she has changed for the good.

After being jobless for quite a few months i joined another organisation where things seemed much better.The work environment was good, i made new friends (some of them are still in touch), learnt quite a few things and had some fun too.But then after a few years i realised things were not what they seemed.There was partiality,jealousy,quite a bit of dirty politics.There were certain practices which i wasn’t exactly happy about and well again i ended up having a female boss!!But i must say i learnt a lot not only job related but also about the world.Different kinds of people – sweet talkers,smart asses,arrogant people i saw it all there.What was sad was people who actually worked hard with honesty and sincerity were never appreciated or promoted.Instead those who hardly put in efforts but instead were always trying to please the boss seemed to get it all.

At present i am a happily married woman enjoying life,doing all that i love doing and having a wonderful life!!!

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
William W. Purkey

The Night Is Still Young…

Night has set in,
all are asleep in bed,
snoring and dreaming of unfulfilled wishes,
tossing and turning to be more comfortable.

Some are still awake eyes wide open,
sleep evading them inspite of the late hour,
dogs bark and howl marking their territory,
insomnia in full swing as the moon shines above.

In this age of computers and mobile phones,
sleeplessness isnt an issue but a boon to connect,
chatrooms are open for secret rendezvous,
unkown entities let loose their true nature.

Animal instincts wake up and confidence rises,
hidden identities unravel lust and desire,
no boundaries no laws just what you make yourselves,
hunger of the mind and body set free each night.

Guilty thoughts released into private space the blue nowhere,
this virtual paradise has more takers than reality,
no touch or feel just imagination and assumption,
they flow through screens to be with each other.

Every night of each day history repeats itself,
people change but thoughts still remain the same,
romance blooms and heartbreaks occur ever so frequently,
inspite of distance people hurt and lose in the bargain.

Still they continue hoping for the right person,
never realising there is a gap between real and virtual,
staring at the screen with bloodshot eyes but in anticipation,
never giving up what is just an act not some reaity.

This World i live in…

This is a world full of corruption,
all around i see chaos and greed,
no one to question the long expanding arms of destruction,
its vileness spreads boldly without obstruction.

Everything is for sale including oneself,
money speaks paving a way towards false pride,
the rich get richer and they seem unstoppable,
life never was so uncertain and unpredictable.

Need a job, a well connected relatives can help,
poor grades are no longer scorned upon,
father has enough clout to get me a seat,
education has no value and merit is no big deal.

Hard work and honesty no longer rewarded or appreciated,
please your superiors and gain favours effortlessly,
who cares about intelligence and originality,
duplication with sly modifications can do the trick.

Ambitions and goals were never so easily attainable,
sharp ears for gossip can gain more trust than work,
be the good guy who always smiles and talks sweet,
willingly become a donkey but one which doesn’t bray.

Cannot lick asses or tamper with accounts,
unable to cheat or tolerate dishonesty and misappropriation,
feel frustrated when the underserving are promoted,
Alas you donot belong here my good friend!!!

My very own “Serial Queen”…

We all have our weaknesses.Some of us love eating,some enjoy gossiping 😉 , the more polished perhaps try to imitate thier more sophisticated friends.Then there are those who claim to be away from all such vices but pride themselves in the fact that they are different.Aren’t we all different in some way or the other??

One such person doesn’t believe so much in gossip unless it is pertaining to someone in the film world or the television series universe.Imagine keeping tag of screen names,real names,family details,affairs and what not.I find it quite extraordinary and commendable though not exactly worth being proud of. Remembering so much is a real task especially since there are so many actors these days that i have lost count long back.The person i am referring to is none other than my very own ma-in-law 🙂 . Someone whom i have been observing since the day i got married. A day hasn’t gone by when i haven’t seen her glued to the television screen.It is an addiction to such an extent that it dominates her entire schedule.From household chores to eating to anything else,all of it is adjusted according to the programme timings.Each series has its own sick drama and unheard of antics.Most of them have been running since the last 3-4 years!! I wonder how people have so much patience to set everything aside and devote their time to this idiot box!!!

Its 7 am and the day is just begun,
alarms are ringing and birds chirping,
here the television is on and fully awake,
regaling someone half asleep yet so keen.

In between there are some advertisements,
time to make tea and breakfast too,
adjusting it all and not missing anything,
running between rooms and making record time.

Changing channels every half hour to catch some more,
remembering what shows when without skipping a beat,
drama in all households with some evil characters,
impossible feats being performed with the ease of a natural.

Makeup,gaudy clothes,dyed hair and so on,
young look old and old try hiding their age,
deaths and births and on public demand rebirth,
all the unthinkable occurs here each day.

I sit wondering when it all will end,
looking at the clock hoping time would run,
no patience to even watch for a few seconds,
cursing all those responsible who cause this sick addiction.



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