Its’ time…

My lil one will soon turn 5. An age where innocence still exists, where the world is full of colour and not black or white. I am in no hurry to see her all grown up, ready to face the world with confidence and will. But hurry i must to tell her what can happen anytime, anyplace and by someone known or unknown.

For her each person who smiles or tries to talk to her is a harmless person, an uncle or aunt or perhaps an elder brother or even a friend. I have to tell her not all are friendly or just making conversation. I have to make her understand that some have dirry thoughts, perverse intentions or even murderous plans. How can a child as small as her judge or even fathom what goes on in anyone’s mind? We as adults cannot distinguish good from bad. So how can i tell to beware? Do i need to make her wary of all who talk to her? Should she perhaps shy away from everyone to avoid being hurt? Won’t that make her an insecure individual, incapable of trust and companionship. Can i assure her of my presence whenever she has to venture out? Will that help her grow?

In these troubling times each person i come across is looked upon with suspicion. Parents are rebuked at for giving their child a lil bit of independence. Should i hold on tighter so my darling is safe? Will that guarantee a lifetime of secure existence? I can try and teach her to be careful but is that enough?  I assure myself that no harm will befall us but is that a false sense of security?

My girl holds my hand for she knows i won’t let go. She is comfortable and assured of my steady hand as i guide her through the streets, as i take her along. I am nervous inside as life throws u into situations you can never be prepared for.

I am strong as she will gain strength by observing me. I cannot falter as she will lose that sense of hope, that feeling of being secure, that idea of a safe and peaceful world. Should i fall she will be unable to raise herself, to get up and brush herself before moving on. I will not let her sense my fear, my apprehension, my worry that anything might happen. Protect her i shall but defend her i wont, that she will learn for she will one day face it all by herself. So my dear one, i stand by you and support you but i need you to be ready for anything that will shake your ideals, break your trust, make you doubt your loved ones. Its’ a cruel, crazy, mad world out there. Be strong, be brave, cry if it helps, never fear coz fight u must for yourself and for us…

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A living…

I see the sun rising in the sky,
A display of pink, orange hues,
A new day has dawned once again,
Its good to be alive.

The chirping of the birds a harmony,
The aroma of fresh coffee,
The wind gently teasing the leaves,
Its good to be alive.

I walk taking in fresh morning air,
Breathing in the smells of flowers, earth,
Greeted by furry pets straining against their leash,
Its good to be alive.

Forgetting all worries, fears, aches,
Drowning my sorrow in the new day,
I smile to myself as memories play in mind,
Its good to be alive.

Perhaps this day will be better,
My mind positive my thoughts cheerful,
A hope building within as my heart swells,
Its good to be alive.

In this dark silence

Sometimes when i sit alone,
In this silence which is deafening,
My thoughts take a ride to nowhere,
Perhaps am not as sane as i feel.

I hear a wind chime swaying gently,
The breeze giving it a teasing nudge,
The night is different yet nothing changed,
My mind still wanders here and there.

What if i weren’t alone in this room,
Surrounded by people known or not,
Their laughter creating an atmosphere,
Of liveliness in this lifeless existence.

Would there be joy for the moment,
Would their presence bring some clarity,
Will this loneliness wipe away,
Will I feel alive once more.

For all the togetherness I so desire,
For all the despair in my heart,
Is there someone listening I wish,
Will there be light where darkness thrives.

Virtual Reality…

I see people around me everyday. The same faces at times and yet no sign of recognition. Perhaps its my face which doesnt seem familiar or is it my eagerness to make friends?

I miss those days when friends would meet, laugh, spend hours blissfully unaware of parents worry. Am i too old for all that or perhaps i belong to another era ;). 

A thought of what has been lost and what i miss…

 

I sit staring at the screen for a response,
Waiting for any random silly forward,
Desperation and eagerness overlap,
How real or virtual am I??

Conversation replaced by chat,
Remembering numbers a thing of the past,
A click and I see you waving from Mars,
How real or virtual am I??

Reminders set to alert birthdays, anniversaries,
Calendars missing from homes and offices,
Tap to see your best friend’s new hairdo,
How real or virtual am I??

Forgotten to buy a gift for a party today,
Shop online, gift wrapped, at your doorstep,
The courier guy a known face to you,
How real or virtual am I??

Movies, music, videos and lot more,
Effortless viewing from your favourite couch,
Search and a million options available,
How real or virtual am I??

Paperless is acceptable but is friendless too,
The contact , a hug online , a miss u look,
A boon or curse, a make believe world,
How real or virtual am I??

This place I call Home…

Its always difficult to leave the one place you feel at home in. For me my parents house has been the home i am attached to. I was born here, grew up here and now i visit as often as i can. All theses years of being away haven’t made it any easier for me to leave this place. I go back tomorrow and i wish i could really squeeze some more time out of this day.

 

 

 

Been so long since i got married,
Leaving the home i was born in,
It never really stops hurting,
The memories always bring tears.

My childhood of security and innocence,
Confined in these four walls lay hidden and safe,
The stories these boundaries can tell are innumerable,
The life i lived in my sweet home is a treasure.

Slogging during exams, relaxing in breaks,
Reading, writing, memorising all under this roof,
Tears of joy, moments of sadness, agonising days,
My home has seen it all and more.

I gaze at the ceiling and find,
My whole life replayed in parts,
Here i have lain weak and in pain,
This home has given me strength again.

Each time i come home is a celebration,
Of memories, of my existence, my life,
A sense of belonging i find nowhere else,
I am what this place has given me.

We remember people, occasions, incidents,
Laugh at jokes, cry at movies, enjoy with friends,
I sit here in this place alone staring into space,
This place where i will always belong.

Once again i have to leave my treasure,
Unguarded yet safe and awaiting my return,
My eyes well up with memories and moments,
I will be back soon to cherish my life again.

We all are unique

I am writing this after i came across this little girl in a hospital. I know nothing about her except she was differently abled. The anxious parents especially the mother’s tears moved me. It made me thankful for all i have received in my life till date. If they can keep hopes up then we all can. It was an eye opener of sorts and i still keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

Life is a gift and it has to be treated with care. What we have is a miracle and the sooner we realise, the better for us.

I saw her in her mother’s arms,

The girl i knew nothing about.

Her body so weak and fragile,

But still she seemed at peace.

 

Mother’s eyes teary and sad,

Save my child is what i read in them,

Her love knew no bounds, hope limitless,

Anxiously waiting for that heart to beat.

 

A child she gave birth to,

A special one she nurtured and cared for,

While all the world looked on in pity,

She saw a perfect child in her arms.

 

We all wish to be perfect in everything,

Beauty, brains , riches and all materialistic needs,

Our eyes shy away from small imperfections,

We stare shamelessly at the healthy and wealthy.

 

We all have a desire to survive,

Our struggles different, our paths unique,

Yet compare we must and despair too,

While some of us are unable to even move.

 

It is a mad mad world out there,

Of crazy people and crazier thoughts,

Sane are those who learn to feel alive,

Insane are the ones who choose to follow.

 

Be like the mother who knows no difference,

Be like a child who smiles at strangers,

Be like the special who live for today,

Be like the father carrying burdens for family.

 

 

My life as i see it …..

I have always been open and blunt about what i wrote or felt. It may sound too harsh or downright rude to some but this is how i am. I have observed different kinds of people in daily life and some of them have made an impression however bad or worse 😦 . Here i mention one such person who was a close friend( or atleast i thought so then). She was someone i played with as a child and grew up with. Just a couple of years older than me i sort of looked upto her as any kid would. Here is my story as i see it. Its not some cheerful anecdote as some would prefer. But life isn’t all rosy you see.

 

We lived in the same society and played together as kids. She had a working mother and a doting protective elder brother who kept her rebellion in check. We went to the same school though she was in a higher class. She would come home to a locked house while my mother would be waiting with a smile for me. Her daily meal would be curd rice with beetroot. My mother would welcome her home and feed her like her own daughter. She was well aware of her likes and dislikes. Never once have i heard her complaining about having to cook for an extra person. This continued till she finished school and moved to college. She stopped coming home and we stopped playing together.

 

I would bump into her off and on but we were like strangers. I always would wonder why my mother went to such pains to give something when all she got was a cold shoulder. Perhaps if she had fed an animal she would have received some gratitude and a wagging tail of joy.

 

I had almost forgotten about this friend of mine till years later i happened to visit the city she resided in. Some old memories came to the fore and i decided to try and catch up with her. Not having her number i called her mother and spoke to my friend too. She sounded all excited and promised to drop in the next day to meet me. Being overjoyed myself, I told all in my family that i would be meeting my long lost friend the next day.

 

The next day dawned bright and sunny just like my mood. I waited for her but she dint turn up. If memory serves me right i ended up calling and was informed that she was out. I can’t explain the feelings that went through when i was told this. All i wanted was to meet her, talk about our childhood, have some fun. Perhaps she wanted no part in this.

 

I returned promising myself never ever to contact her again. They say you must try your best to mend relationships. But non one tells you what to do if the other person doesn’t wish to. Do you ever forget those people who were there for you when you were alone, hungry, in need of human touch? Do you just ignore those who stood by you and accepted you as part of their family inspite of being a stranger? Do you move on and wipe away all those memories which remind you that once you had no one to open the door for you? Does it not bother you that the very people who smiled at you when you were wanting someone are the ones whom you turn your back on??

 

I try to place myself in her shoes and find it nearly impossible to forget all those who have been a part of my life as a guiding force, a shoulder to cry on, my strength when i was falling, my family when my loved ones were not around, my friends when i needed someone to confide in. It is easy for one to walk away but then there will be that strange feeling deep down that perhaps what you did was not right.

 

I am still waiting for the day when my friend will walk upto me and smile just like old times. Can she forget how i was her messenger when she had her first crush?? I can’t…

 

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