The closed door




You shut the door when I wake,
Are you shutting yourself in,
Or locking me out?

The room, your haven, my hell,
The door, a sign of our distance,
Can you blame me for my sadness?

This life I share with you for better or worse,
Which is better and what is worse I know not,
I am at the edge, neither in nor out.

For us I strive to think positive,
I see happiness where ‘un’ is hidden,
Can I be called a pessimist in this negative place?

We are judged by the lives we lead or not,
The paths we pave a road for the future,
Do we exist for ‘us’ or for the ‘world’ ?

Try harder says my mind for what its’ worth,
Perhaps the door will open says my heart,
My reasoning in a quandary I struggle within.

People change, but some hold on ,
Refusing to accept their defeat ,
At the hands of destiny…


I Feel…

Some things in life are forever.
The first kiss shared with someone,
The first person you gave your heart to,
The people who stood by you as pillars,
The ones who walked away .

They create memories etched in mind,
Some pleasant, some sad, some happy,
Lessons learnt, mistakes made, experience gained,
You try to forget but they remain,
Those who left footprints that never washed away…

I take off

I see myself up in the sky,
Soaring high against the wind,
Everything seems tiny like dots,
I rise above the earth higher.

The birds with their flapping,
The planes, their deafening sound,
All feel superior and proud,
High up where no one else follows.

Peace surrounds me as I soar,
No care in the world to burden me,
My mind so clear I can see through,
The clouds caressing me as I fly.

I care not where my wings take me,
The sky unlimited, uninhabited, pure.
The golden rays sparkling in my eyes,
May this day never come to an end.


This disturbed Mind

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Sitting in this empty house,
The sound of the fan is welcome,
Staring into the distance I cry out,
Tears well up and I let them flow.

A positive mind and a smile I carry,
Hiding the pain and sorrow within,
How long can I hide my emotions,
My heart wants to explode and shout.

All will be well I say to myself,
Fooling my own mind is hard,
My conscience laughs at my pretence,
My thoughts try to create a distraction.

Try as I might to let go of negativity,
My feelings refuse to comply this time,
My body senses this conflict inside,
A tiredness creeps in out of nowhere.

A family, a house, I have it all,
Yet I feel a missing link now and then,
That tiny bit of dissatisfaction is lingering,
I crave for a change and a surprise.

Sitting alone in complete abandonment,
I just cannot shake this unhappiness,
Someone shake me up and bring me back,
I am sinking into a deep abyss…

Its’ time…

My lil one will soon turn 5. An age where innocence still exists, where the world is full of colour and not black or white. I am in no hurry to see her all grown up, ready to face the world with confidence and will. But hurry i must to tell her what can happen anytime, anyplace and by someone known or unknown.

For her each person who smiles or tries to talk to her is a harmless person, an uncle or aunt or perhaps an elder brother or even a friend. I have to tell her not all are friendly or just making conversation. I have to make her understand that some have dirry thoughts, perverse intentions or even murderous plans. How can a child as small as her judge or even fathom what goes on in anyone’s mind? We as adults cannot distinguish good from bad. So how can i tell to beware? Do i need to make her wary of all who talk to her? Should she perhaps shy away from everyone to avoid being hurt? Won’t that make her an insecure individual, incapable of trust and companionship. Can i assure her of my presence whenever she has to venture out? Will that help her grow?

In these troubling times each person i come across is looked upon with suspicion. Parents are rebuked at for giving their child a lil bit of independence. Should i hold on tighter so my darling is safe? Will that guarantee a lifetime of secure existence? I can try and teach her to be careful but is that enough?  I assure myself that no harm will befall us but is that a false sense of security?

My girl holds my hand for she knows i won’t let go. She is comfortable and assured of my steady hand as i guide her through the streets, as i take her along. I am nervous inside as life throws u into situations you can never be prepared for.

I am strong as she will gain strength by observing me. I cannot falter as she will lose that sense of hope, that feeling of being secure, that idea of a safe and peaceful world. Should i fall she will be unable to raise herself, to get up and brush herself before moving on. I will not let her sense my fear, my apprehension, my worry that anything might happen. Protect her i shall but defend her i wont, that she will learn for she will one day face it all by herself. So my dear one, i stand by you and support you but i need you to be ready for anything that will shake your ideals, break your trust, make you doubt your loved ones. Its’ a cruel, crazy, mad world out there. Be strong, be brave, cry if it helps, never fear coz fight u must for yourself and for us…

A living…

I see the sun rising in the sky,
A display of pink, orange hues,
A new day has dawned once again,
Its good to be alive.

The chirping of the birds a harmony,
The aroma of fresh coffee,
The wind gently teasing the leaves,
Its good to be alive.

I walk taking in fresh morning air,
Breathing in the smells of flowers, earth,
Greeted by furry pets straining against their leash,
Its good to be alive.

Forgetting all worries, fears, aches,
Drowning my sorrow in the new day,
I smile to myself as memories play in mind,
Its good to be alive.

Perhaps this day will be better,
My mind positive my thoughts cheerful,
A hope building within as my heart swells,
Its good to be alive.

In this dark silence

Sometimes when i sit alone,
In this silence which is deafening,
My thoughts take a ride to nowhere,
Perhaps am not as sane as i feel.

I hear a wind chime swaying gently,
The breeze giving it a teasing nudge,
The night is different yet nothing changed,
My mind still wanders here and there.

What if i weren’t alone in this room,
Surrounded by people known or not,
Their laughter creating an atmosphere,
Of liveliness in this lifeless existence.

Would there be joy for the moment,
Would their presence bring some clarity,
Will this loneliness wipe away,
Will I feel alive once more.

For all the togetherness I so desire,
For all the despair in my heart,
Is there someone listening I wish,
Will there be light where darkness thrives.

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