I am tired of depending on someone for my Happiness.I try hard not to do so but i still continue being dependant. When i actually start believing that perhaps i have now succeeded,something happens and i realise things havent changed.I like making people happy,sharing their thoughts but i guess i do this more for myself than for anyone else. Perhaps i fear being Lonely,i fear being depressed,i fear waking up to an empty bed,i fear being Cast Away,i fear being regarded as a Stranger amongst those who i wish would accept me.This Fear seeps in all of a sudden and then i just dont know whom to turn to.

At such times i feel so Helpless though i know i am just hurting myself unnecessarily. It doesnt last long but i spend Miserable Moments either crying or blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the Past but for which no one is to blame.I hate myself then and at times wish i wasnt Born at all.

This foolish thinking is all in vain and dwelling in the Past will lead me Nowhere and i know that too well. Unfortunately  i refuse to reason with myself and let the past haunt me.What is it that is wrong with me??I may not be a perfect daughter or a perfect wife but as far as i know i have tried my best to never hurt either my parents or my Husband.But i wonder why i am still Lonely.I wonder why i still feel Incomplete.There is a vacuum and as days go by the feeling is stronger…….


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